Writing a Blog Post: A Timeline

11:02 a.m. Mindset is key. Choose the appropriate setting. I have trouble writing at home because there are too many distractions. When his parents sent him to his room for bad behavior, George Carlin quipped, “Cool, that’s where all my stuff is!” Great for George, but I get sidetracked too easily. A simple booth in a comfortable restaurant, in this case Jason’s Deli. I arrive before the lunch rush. Cesar and I chat about his window cleaning business, and he hands me #32.

11:06. Lunch ordered, I ponder possible topics. Before I decide, perfection arrives. If I’m gonna work, I gotta feed the beast. I can’t write on an empty stomach. Once in Baltimore, I blacked out from hunger and gashed my head on the keyboard (the Shift/Return/?/” corner). It cost me 8 stitches and a new MacBook. Never again, I vowed! Now, I go with the turkey sandwich, cheddar or Swiss, lettuce and tomato, mustard and mayo. It’s the perfect food. I keep the writing surface clean; no condiments or grease on the keyboard!

11:22. Music is also key. Earbuds fully charged, it’s time to fire up the playlist. Slow or fast, there ain’t no rules. I roll with variety, mostly because I don’t really hear the music anyway. It’s a way to drown out the rabble around me. Some prefer instrumental so the lyrics don’t bother the flow. Not this guy. Today, I’m going with “Mike’s Best.” I’ll custom order it, and an hour later probably realize I barely heard a note. Here’s a shot of my list RIGHT NOW in this moment. So far, so good.

11:24-11:30. Warm-ups. Get the fingers and hands limber. You skip this step, you risk real injury. I was in an outdoor cafe in Miami and thought I could skip this step. Wrong! I had carpal tunnel for 8 weeks, all because I rushed to write. Humidity is no substitute for warm-ups. Finger stretches, wring my hands (right over left, then reverse), fist crunches. Maybe some Bengay or Icy Hot or Atomic Balm rubbed vigorously on the hands, especially the joints. Mental note: be careful what I touch next.

11:32. After a quick refill, I’m fully flexible and ready for the Pre-Write. I check email and all social media. Nothing like lingering guilt and FOMO, wondering if there is work to do or if someone out there is doing something more interesting than me. I scroll through photos, comment on a few pics. It’s important to be generous and kind here. I have to eradicate all the extra junk clogging my creative mojo. Deep breaths and affirmations: “Get your head in the game, buddy, you got serious writing to do!”

11:48. I’m chatting with Esmeralda, one of the delightful workers here, something about her son in preschool when my phone rings. It’s Scott from the Toyota place, some necessary paperwork they didn’t do when Melanie and I bought a RAV4 last week. Big surprise. Their incompetence becomes my emergency? I don’t think so. Not gonna let them break my stride, right Matt Wilder? Too bad, too. Right before the call, I had this amazing idea about what to write about. It was solid gold. Poof! It’s gone, evaporated like warm breath on a cold winter morning. Well, at least I still have strong similes.

11:53. It’s a pretty good crowd for a Wednesday (sorry, Mr. Joel), and I’m feeling some pressure. In nearly an hour, I’ve written nothing. The pressure to perform, to produce something blog-worthy, I’m feeling it. Doubts creep in, like those roaches in the Orkin commercials. What would Dickens do (WWDD)? A few deep breaths and a memory bubbles up. “Trust your swing.” It’s a golf mantra, a reminder not to doubt your practice and muscle memory when you stand over a difficult shot. I channel my inner Tiger and thrust my fist skyward. I will write!

12:01. Before I can write, I need to re-order my playlist. I’ve missed some good songs, and the next few, well, they’re just not gonna get the job done. It’s a small but necessary step.

12:05. I need a cookie. Okay, need is the wrong word. This might just be justification, but I’m feeling a bit low on blood sugar. Plus, what I’ve endured so far, I think I’ve earned it. Suppose I stand up and take a few uneasy steps only to fall after a wave of dizziness. Boom, I blow out my ACL or crack my elbow. No. It’s not worth the risk. Chocolate chip, please!

12:12. Just a quick game of computer Risk and I’m ready to rumble. You’re wondering. Yes, there is method to the madness. Turning the entire map to baby blue, conquering the world in online format, prepares me for victory. I don’t love the smell of napalm in the morning, but I do love the sweet flavor of global domination. I win in my first attempt.

2:34. I’ve outlasted all the other customers in the restaurant, but victory is mine!

Maybe I’ll have another cookie…