A Thing to Fear

The fictional TV detective Adrian Monk has a lengthy inventory of fears–312 to be exact, if Monk Wiki can be trusted. It begins innocuously enough. Germs, needles, and dentists head the list. Next is milk, just ahead of death. Okay, odd not unreasonable. The deeper you delve, the weirder it becomes. Coloring books, French films, aardvarks, and dryer lint all appear in Monk’s table of fears. He also lists Neil Diamond, an obvious nod to Baby Steppin’ Bob Wiley.

You know what’s not on the list? Blank computer screens. Give me a clown armed with a speargun hiding in my hall closet. Assign me to speak in praise of vegetarianism in front of a sold-out crowd of cannibals at Dodger Stadium. But the blinking cursor on a white screen terrifies me. What to write? How to shape sentences, choose specific words. Even paragraph breaks. Writing well is hard work. Okay, it’s incredibly hard work.

I took a month-long hiatus from writing, this blog or anything else, because one of my closest friends died. Jack’s death shook me. He was a focal point of the two Winning State pieces I wrote for this blog. He was a mentor to me for nearly forty years, and his passing left a large void, as well as squelching my creative juices.

I languished for awhile, just not feeling the mojo to create. Call it grief or summer lethargy or whatever, but writing for me is an exercise of the heart as well as the head. When one is lacking, I don’t write much. I had a few moderately clever ideas, like how the Lakers feverishly courted me. I would detail how for weeks ESPN chronicled my career dilemma, how I pondered but ultimately rejected the Lakers offer. It was silly and frothy idea and ultimately remained a thought.

Last week I decided to return. That, of course, meant facing one of my most dire fears–the blank laptop screen. And we’re not discussing a simple blog post like this one. I’m talking about beginning a whole new book.

Ever since I published the first Devlin book, I’ve had folks asking me about a sequel. We’re not talking about thousands of requests here, but enough to make me consider it. I loved writing Devlin’s adventures the first time. He’s a fun character, a high school kid far more winsome and clever than Jeremy Fischer, my last protagonist.

I’ve been taking notes for the sequel, researching 1990’s movies, TV, history, and the like. I met with Christine and Laura, my writing partners for ideas. I even flew to California to brainstorm with my sister Mo; she began teaching at virtually the same time Devlin will. You know, when I actually write the book.

Editing/revising is one thing. You take pages and pages of what you’ve already written and make it better. Not easy, that’s true. But that blank screen. I just shivered at the thought. Give me Freddy Kreuger on a haunted cruise ship or Norman Bates offering me a room key.

Instead, here’s what I saw when I finally decided to write. Yep, that’s a title. The screen is still mostly barren, but there’s a word. Look closely, it’s there. Gotta start somewhere, right?

If history is any gauge, I’ll end up with 90,000-100,000 words in a few years. My cohorts will provide myriad suggestions on how to improve the story. I’ll dream about Devlin, and his story will take twists and turns I cannot anticipate right now. Jen Phelps will design a fantastic cover. Melanie and my family will encourage me. And, I will cement my reputation as the finest writer on San Jacinto Dr. Or at least on my cul-de-sac.

The foe of fear is not permanently vanquished. It will rear its ugly head now and again. But for now, I won. If Mr. Monk were sitting opposite me, I’d offer him a tall, frosty glass of milk and give the chance join me in a victory toast. He’d likely refuse.

Both books are available through Amazon. Click HERE.